The Greatest Politician Ever

The other day, at a Dusshera party, I met a very well-known and rather powerful chap. I won’t take his real name. Even though he is retired, his is a household name. So, let’s just call him Mr Powerful. By the time I reached the party, he had clearly downed a few single-malts. I carried mine and joined the small group of people who surrounded him. Mr Powerful was enjoying himself as he held his darbaar.

“Who do you think is the greatest Indian politician ever?” he asked. It was obvious from his expression that any answer that any of us gave would be wrong.

“Manmohan Singh,” he said, without waiting for an answer.

Everyone laughed, except Mr Powerful. The laughter died down as everyone realised that he was serious. “The man has never won an election. The one time he tried, even from a safe middle-class seat like South Delhi, he got trounced by that loser Vijay Kumar Malhotra. And, this man will end up being Prime Minister for an entire decade.”

“But, he’s not really a proper PM. He is just Sonia Gandhi’s rubber-stamp,” said one middle-aged gentleman with a clipped moustache (clearly military). “He’s a mute puppet.”

“That’s the biggest myth. Manmohan Singh is the most powerful man in the government. He has stalled everything that Sonia Gandhi or Rahul have tried. I had warned her in 2008, but by then it was too late. Manmohan had already taken over full control.”

“If he has, then he has done a good thing,” smirked clipped-moustache. “With due respect Sir, I know you are close to the family, but the mother and son are destroying the nation. They are single-handedly responsible for this fiscal crisis.”

“But, Dr Singh has implemented everything that the Gandhis have wanted, hasn’t he?” I asked. “First MNREGA, now food bill. He has given in to all these socialist plans, which are going to ruin the economy, despite being a proper economist himself.”

“Really, young man? You think he has implemented all of Soniaji’s projects? Can you please tell me how much has the government allocated to MNREGA this year? Outlay for the job guarantee programme has actually dropped from 40,000 crore rupees two years ago to 33,000 crore in this budget. The Manmohan-Chidambaram duo has actively cut down financing to the only thing that Soniaji and Rahul wanted.” Mr Powerful’s voice was getting loud now. He was clearly irritated by clipped-moustache and me.

“Now think of this lovely food bill that you are talking about. The original idea mooted by John (or did he say Jean?) and Arunaji (that’s what I heard) was coverage for everyone. Rich young men like you would not have availed of it, but let me tell you my son, there are millions and millions in this country who need subsidised food,” said Mr Powerful, wagging a finger at me.

“And, you know what the so-called puppet PM has done?” Clipped-moustache was now at the receiving end of Mr Powerful’s ire. “First he set up a committee under that Rangarajan fellow (C Rangarajan? Must be) and, as expected, the committee said food for all is far too expensive, it will destroy the economy, blah, blah, etc. etc., the typical things these economist types say.”

“What’s wrong with that, sir?” asked clipped-moustache. “Subsidies lead to fiscal deficit. Fiscal deficit causes inflation. It is simple really. Ultimately, it is bad for the poor as well.” He looked around at all of us in a smug manner. “Your Soniaji and Rahul Baba are leading the country to ruin, Sir.”

“I am not questioning that, Brigadier Saheb (so, I was right about the military bit). I am questioning your belief that Soniaji has some sort of a remote to control Dr Singh. That is simply not true,” Mr Powerful said, looking somewhat exasperated with Brigadier clipped-moustache.

“As I was saying, before you interrupted me, the food-bill now covers only two-thirds of the population, it is an increase of 22% over what has always been covered. Do you know that 45% of people in India are entitled to 7 kg of food-grain per head? After the food-bill is passed, only those under the poverty line will continue to get the full 7 kg, while those above it who used to get 7 kg will get 5 kg. That’s two kilos less. So, while more people will get cheaper food, many who were getting 7 kilos will now get less. That’s what your puppet PM has done to the food-bill.”

“Sir, you are throwing numbers at us. You now we can’t counter it, since we don’t have any data here,” said the Brigadier, again looking at all of us for support.

“Don’t believe me now. Just check the numbers when you go home. Your son can help you, Brigadier. It’s all available on the internet.” It was Mr Powerful’s turn to look smug now. “Just check how much Chidambaram has kept for food subsidy this year – 90 thousand crore, which is 15 thousand crore more than last year. All food subsidies have been combined under the food-bill. And, if you take inflation into account the increase is nothing but peanuts. Yes, I am throwing numbers at you. But, you can always check it up.”

Brigadier clipped-moustache was looking less certain now, and Mr Powerful was on a roll. “Let me tell you something. Manmohan Singh does whatever he wants. He gets his fuel from the Americans. They are the ones who hold his remote.” He looked around the lawn in a theatrical manner and then dropped his voice to a stage whisper. “You never know when they are listening. The Americans have always wanted Manmohan as PM. He does everything to help them. I won’t say much. Just think of Sharm-al-Sheikh (I googled this. The PM had said something about Baluchistan, which weakened India’s claim that Pakistan is unilaterally disrupting India’s internal security). Think of how Manmohan became a real Singh over the nuclear deal. Think of how he has been fighting for FDI in retail. None of this is backed by the Gandhis. But, he does it anyway.”

This was increasingly sounding like a conspiracy theory. The chap was obviously drunk. But, then, he was also in a position to have inside information. In any case, everyone was riveted. True or not, it was a great story.

“You know, in UPA II, Manmohan has decided who will get what ministry. His group has retained all the key ministries. Chidambaram, Kapil Sibal, Anand Sharma. Just imagine, the Planning Commission is being run by a man who doesn’t even believe in planning. In each case, a completely pro-corporate face is manning a key portfolio. And, you all call this government socialist. If Soniaji had control, none of these people would have been ministers,” he said vehemently.

“Come on, Sir! Are you trying to tell us that Sonia Gandhi doesn’t decide who will be minister? That is totally unbelievable,” I said. I had to say it. The guy was clearly talking through his hat.

“Let me give you an example, son,” Mr Powerful said. “You know, a couple of years ago, the mining ministry was being run by a veteran Congressi from Assam, BK Handique. He is an old school minister, who believes it is his job to push the party’s agenda. You may like it or not, but that is what old school ministers did. Handique was about to bring in a bill, which would have made it compulsory for mining companies to give adivasis a chunk of their revenue. Obviously, the corporate lobby got after him and wanted him out. Soniaji was backing the bill and so was Rahul. But, ultimately Handique had to go. Your dear Dr Singh had his way and replaced him with a completely pro-industry man.”

“If he is so powerful, then why did Rahul Gandhi humiliate him like this and force the government to withdraw the new ordinance?”

“Well, it is only now that the Gandhis have started realising that unless they counter-attack, the PM will not implement anything the party wants. So, Rahul is leading the attack. Soniaji is still unsure whether it is good politics to attack your own Prime Minister.”

Mr Powerful motioned to a passing waiter, tapped his glass, and leaned back into his chair. “You will now see very interesting developments every day. The fight between Rahul and the PM-Chidambaram duo is likely to intensify. It won’t be easy for the Gandhis, because the man they are fighting is the greatest politician in India,” he said and looked around at all of us.

“It will be a hidden fight. You will only be able to read it through its symptoms. And, watch out for what the CBI does. That is one institution that is still controlled by 10 Janpath. Watch it closely.”

With that Mr Powerful switched off. You could see it on his face that he had said all that he wanted to say, and he no longer found us interesting. I drifted off to talk to others at the party, as did most of the others who were listening to Mr Powerful.

A couple of days later, as I was glancing at the newspapers in the morning, there it was – a symptom staring me in the face. The CBI had lodged an FIR against Kumarmangalam Birla and the former Coal Secretary. The coal secretary had already reacted by saying, if he is to be investigated so should the PM.

“See, Mr Powerful was right,” I called out to my wife. “The CBI is, indirectly, targeting the PM. The Gandhis are fighting back”

“Fighting back? Rubbish,” said the wife. “They control the PM. Why would they fight him? He is nothing but a puppet PM.”

“That’s just a myth,” I said, in an admittedly smug fashion. “He is India’s greatest politician ever.”